Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
