apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
