Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize