He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
