Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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