If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
