I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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