So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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