I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
false alarm, still single
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