My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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