Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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