5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I checked into jail on foursquare
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
