Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
barbara walters just said penis...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
