Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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