You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
