Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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