don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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