another moral hangover. fuck.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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