My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize