It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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