dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
