im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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