i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
