Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
