I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
