you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
