i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
