Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
