I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
