When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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