you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
