it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just pee around me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
