tell your sister to shave her snatch
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
