i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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