Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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