next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize