Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
