Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
