Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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