I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
