Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
