sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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