tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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