and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize