We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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