dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This house was built for laser tag.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Still dying that you shit outside
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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