Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize