if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
