I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
