meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
