I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
