The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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