I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We need a shit load of segways right now
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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