You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Randomize
