Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
