I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
