So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize