I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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