I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
