I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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