I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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