She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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