I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
