The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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