You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
