You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
