I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Who died my cat blue again?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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