do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
