I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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