You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
