Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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