let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
