I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
