saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
