O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize