No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
