So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
