just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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