I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
