you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
