Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Congratulations! We have a period
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